But the silent truth is if young people 25 years old or less don’t average 10 or more hours of sleep, the downward spiral of chronic anxiety, uncontrollable irritability and poor GPA scores is more or less a given.

Humans are, at their genetic core, tribal. We mostly gather together in groups or clicks, influencing and adapting our behaviors to that of the collective, ie, ideologically closed, circles. And having as of yet a fully developed brain structure, teens and young adults are at the mercy to any and all things “trending” within their personal and social networks. In short, they’ve wholly decided that proper sleep is an annoying and unnecessary inconvenience.

Now Enter the Parents Side of this Dilemma.

It’s not just theses kids who take restful sleep for granted, more often than not, adults also have this underlying view as well. What this inevitably leads to is not taking this disaster-waiting-to-happen seriously, until its hits a level of critical mass. Almost all of the calls we get from parents are full-on panicked inquiries. Their son or daughter has had a complete emotional breakdown. Or ended up going to the ER. And please understand this may sound shockingly insensitive, and I must apologies in advance, but a number of the calls we receive from parents is that their son or daughter had attempted suicide. Personally, this tears my heart out, which lead me to write this article with as much rigorous honesty as I could muster.

Without Further Adieu, Here’s Some Good News.

Quality sleep is a big, big deal. It’s central to everything we do, what we achieve and the inevitable trajectory of our lives. Our happiness, the tranquility of brain and body rely solely in it’s foundation.

Here’s what we coach parents to do:

1. Don’t expect to get straight answers from your kids about their sleep while they’re away at college. Young adults aren’t being dishonest as much as they are, at this age, allusive by nature. When kids are asked how they’re sleeping, they will almost always respond with, ‘It’s okay”.

2. As parents, it’s better to ask end-run type questions like, ‘How do you feel when you wake up? Rested or tired?’ Or, ‘are you sleepy in class?’ And the best one is, ‘Are the other kids or teachers making you kind of irritable?’ Now you’ll have an accurate pulse on what’s really happening.

3. With middle and high schoolers still at home, its imposable for parents to tell what’s happening in the AM hours if they are themselves sleeping. This may seem harsh, but the severity of the problem warrants getting to the truth as swiftly as possible.

Try using a wireless nanny cam or, if that’s too much, just a microphone. Teens online late at night will always find something funny to laugh about, or verbalize their experiences somehow. Make sure the recordings are time stamped so you can see or hear as you scroll through the recording. After 2–3 nights you’ll know precisely what was going on.

4. If you believe it’s possible to get them to wear a smart watch that tracks sleep, this is also a great way to get detailed data of not only what’s happening outwardly, but also in their brain as well. Not all trackers are accurate, but we’re happy to provide free advice on the best ones to access, and also with knowledge like how best to initially approach your son or daughter. How to properly wear the device and to interpret the report is important as well. (Contact info is listed above).

When the Truth Comes Out. Don’t Over React.

When parents see how bad their children’s sleep actually is, they tend to emotionally over-react from a (justified) position of fear. It’s best if you just feel these feelings quietly on your own, until they subside. Intensely confronting our kids only leads to trench warfare. Compassionate communication stops, and a battle of will begins. Please avoid this as best you can.

Parents also, consciously or unconsciously, insist to themselves that it’s all their fault. That they’ve somehow failed their children. But I promise you, (as a parent myself), that this is patently untrue. The world has changed so much for these kids. The tsunami of information thrown on them is so massive, so overwhelming, that they receive more media exposure in one day, then their great grandparents did, in their entire lives.

It has been proven that the social media corporations have intentionally built their algorithms to keep people on the platforms longer and longer. To them, and the psychologists they employ, scrolling eyeballs are the brass ring, and sleep is the enemy. Tik Tok is the most egregious of offenders. The social media addiction aspect with this company is so toxic, not even the Federal Government could ignore it.

Answer this next question as deeply within your soul as you can; “as a parent who loves their child to the ends of the earth, how can you be remotely responsible for all of this? Agonizing reappraisal and perpetual guilt won’t help. Everything is going to be alright. It’s time to exhale, and let go of trying to control every detail.

The Past is the Past. Let’s look to the Present.

When we work with parents, some common information comes to light about their kids’ sleep architecture.

1. They tend to fall sleep between 2:00 AM and 5:00 AM in average.
2. Their deep stage sleep is usually the most negatively impacted.
3. There are multiple wakeups, mostly from brainwave amplitude spikes surging in the frontal part of the brain.
4. Substantial anxiety is almost always at play, contributing to the overall problem.

Once we can see the what, where and when, we can unwind the causes methodically one by one. In our humble opinion, this is the best way forward.

Doctors and Pediatricians mean well, but in 8 years of medical school, they get a total of 3 hours of education on sleep/insomnia. As soon as a parent brings up any sleep questions, the physician automatically blurts out ‘sleep study!’ Here’s the point when things get very blurry. Sleep studies don’t actually diagnose for insomnia, only sleep apnea. Most referring doctors don’t know this.

Here’s how it usually plays out:

1. Sleep study comes back negative for sleep apnea.
2. Family is referred to a Psychiatrist. Options include:
3. Sleeping pills, anti-anxiety and/or anti-depressant medications.
4. Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia. (CBTi)

Rightfully so, parents are dead set against meds. They try to find a CBTi specialist in their area. Of the few that can be found, the waiting list is three months, six months or more. Frustrated, they try a regular therapist. Sadly more often than not, nothing actually changes.

At this point, it seems that meds are the only thing left to try.

A young persons brain takes about a quarter century to fully develop and mature. By 24 or 25 the pairing of neurons and brain growth is complete. But if he or she is put on powerful pharmaceuticals, this can and often does cause problems and side-effects that are unique to a kids as-of-yet fully developed brain. Add this to the fact that none of these meds, or combination of them produce normal, healthy sleep for anyone, at any age for the long-term.

The Third Pillar.

But what if there was a third option besides meds or CBTi?

The American Academy of Pediatricians released an announcement that something called neurofeedback was now their “first-line treatment choice for ADD/HD” in children and adolescents. For most neurofeedback clinicians worth their salt, they know there’s a close association between ADHD and teen sleep issues. So can it actually work on insomnia? Yes. Without the use of medications? Yes again. But not all neurofeedback treatment, or practitioners are created equal with regards to addressing insomnia.

Very few clinics or tele-health neurofeedback providers specialize in adolescent and young adult sleep problems. Reviews and referrals from other parents is key to choosing the right provider to get the best results. Please do your due diligence on this.

A Google search on this topic brings up some bizarre answers. The one most often shown is that neurofeedback for insomnia is ‘no better than a sham’.

Lets unpack this: With 2–3 hours of investigation, we’ve found that the protocols used in this study were from way back in 1969. NASA had devised them for the Apollo astronauts for seizures, not for insomnia. Any self-respecting team of researchers conducting a scientific study like this is going to quickly see that the neurofeedback technology today is light years ahead of what it was 55 years ago. We also found that the landmark institute that conducted this study consisted of one, single person. How odd, isn’t it?

There are many professionally conducted studies showing positive results using neurofeedback for sleep quality issues. Most have also shown long-term benefits lasting extended periods of time.

Conclusion.

Nothing brings more joy to any adults eyes than seeing young people happy and thriving. We all want that. Good sleep for our kids is not a privilege, it’s a human right. If you are a parent trying to navigate your way through this with your child, there’s help, and there’s hope. We welcome all questions from parents from anywhere in the US and the world.

Yours in Restful Sleep,

David A. Mayen